Our Staff
We are pleased to announce the appointment of Rhett Stevens as Director of Administration. In this role Rhett is responsible for counting the biscuits every morning and washing my car. Rhett is full time, an excellent cook, about 7 ft tall (hence his nick name Ladder Man), intelligent and generally a jack of all trades.
Joel Coates
affectionately known as OX. We are unsure if this because Joel is as STRONG as an Ox or as DUMB as one. Perhaps a combination of the two. Joel has been unwell of late, probably due to the copious amounts of food he consumes. He is paid a minimal wage as he spends most of his day trying to better his record on the electronic shooting game.Margo Coates
Joels mother. Margo is a gun duster who recently, in a fit of Mr Sheening managed to actually dislodge the glass shelf she was dusting and in a domino effect broke every wine glass we posses. Not to mention several other glass shelves beneath the offending one. Margo is NOT allowed in the kitchen because she is a dreadful cook. Perhaps that is another reason that Joel has been unwell of late.Libby Kay
our stabilising force. Libby has formal qualifications in the counciling field which has proved invaluable both to the other staff and partons. Unfortunately Libby’s own domestic arrangements appear quite chaotic and she may be leaving us soon to gain her sanity back.Olivia Kay
Libby’s daughter and our creative accountant. Olivia does not have any formal accounting qualifications and is too young to be prosecuted by the taxation department. We see a bright future ahead for Olivia, but not necessarily in accounting.Sir Edward-Edward
Director of Camp Ground Services who was recently knighted by Priscilla Queen of the Desert for his services to problem gamblers, of which he is one. He brings with him a wealth of experience in the hospitality industry having once stayed at a 3 star motel in Windorah in central Queensland. Sir Edward will also take responsibility for the day to day running of the chook house where he has already increased egg production by 70%. Its interesting what a trip to the chook house with an axe in hand can achieve.Bruce Couch and Michael Brown
general maintenance. Both long time residents of the park and woodcutters by trade. Bruce and Michael have been working feverously lately in an attempt to restore the water supply to the premises. The water supply (from Lake Marimley) is ambivalent to say the least, riddled with green slimy stuff and probably carrying the hepatitis z virus. In the interests of personal hygiene and longevity we suggest that after using the toilet you do NOT wash your hands.The cat
Frazzle (a grey kitten) lives in a tree near the main entrance to the Hotel. She lives up there because most of our clients have large dogs on the back of their utes, some of which are untethered. Frazzle has learned (the hard way) that most of these dogs can run faster than her.The dog
Russel the jack russel does not like living in a Hotel. Perhaps it has something to do with the large brown snake that ocassionally grazes in the back bathroom. Russel would like to go back to his previous abode (Torquay) where the calice virus did not take off and there are still pleny of rabbits to chase.Our Clients
The Walker Crew
well where do I begin; This would have to be the most diverse collection of lunatics known to creation. I will not name them personally suffice to say that Chain Saw Charlie (Tripod apparantely), Simbo, Biggsy, Gaz and the boss are here for breakfast and return after they have done their days work. Well today is a good example as they left the hotel after breakfast at 8am and are now bach in the bar drinking at 9.30am. They have a staff meeting here each morning and decide if they will actually do any work or buy a couple of slabs and sit around fishing all day. One of this crews sons has an interesting party trick. He shoves a condom up his nose and pulls it out through his mouth. Not bad for an 11 year old. God Help Us.Peter Morton
Peter, reportedly the richest man in the district operates a variety of vaguely successful businesses ranging from Gypsum to Red Gum. I say vaguely as no one (including Peter) knows exactly what he ownes and operates.All the Morton men have a problem with alcohol and Peter and his important accociates seem to spend most of their waking hours here in the bar. The youngest son, Bret, could best be describes as an alcoholic and is constantly legless.
Peter, incidentally, is deaf but can lipread. Oddly enough he cannot decipher the letter ‘F’. He is constantly asking what the term ‘_ uck O__‘ means. (just insert the F’s) and we regularly verbally insult him (within earshot) behind his back.
On a serious note Bret is confined to a wheelchair as a result of a camping accident.
He does however run a series of successful enterprises (including an earthmoving operation) and is an inspiration to others in that situation. We are encouraging Bret to (pardon the pun) stand for local government on the same ticket as Sir Edward-Edward whose campaign slogan is ARE YOU READY FOR EDDY. God Help Us.
Our Residents
Desperate and Dateless can best describe most of our permanent park residents. There are several vaguely single men currently residing in the camp ground. The age range is approximately 19 to 65 years. The 65 year old incidentally is deaf so would make an ideal companion for a woman who talks a lot. His son, an alcoholic, is seeking a woman of similar habits. Her cooking prowess is irrelevant as this bloke rarely eats.
Sir Edward-Edward is already spoken for. He has formed a particularly strong bond with one of the chooks. (purely platonic of course) Any interested women can contact us via this website and attach a recent (well one taken this century) digital foto of at least 3 megapixals. This will enable our resident ‘cone head’ to do an airbrush job on it before our selection committee makes any decisions.
We have some new lunatics resident in the Asylum. The above mentioned 65 year old deaf man has been joined by his wife, Betty. We did suggest to Betty when she emigrated from Tasmania that she may prefer to live in our neighboring hotel at Hatfield. This hotel was abandoned 20 years ago and is 80K north of here. His son, the alcoholic, has found himself a lovely partner, Valerie and has sort of moved away. He has although, left his rather unusual L shaped caravan on site in its splendid garden setting. This is now available for short term rental. Jamie and Dave (both woodcutters) have moved in. Jamie spends most of his time lying on the couch in the bar talking to his girlfriend on the hotel phone. This explains why no one has been able to contact us for a week. David moved in last Friday morning and was evicted last Friday evening (same day). Unfortunately when the police came to collect him he could not be found as he had passed out in the salt bush. Sober, on Saturday morning, he apologized for his folly and is now back in residence. Jamie has lost his false teeth. Apparently for some reason he took them out one day in the bush and a wedge tailed eagle mistook them for a whitcherty grub and took off with them. Jamie also claims that the original Mt Everest was located at Tupra Station just north of here but now they have found a higher mountain they now call this mountain Mt Tippy. Tippy is a wood cutter!! Oh Dear! Ken phoned back in January asking about our tariff for a tent site and a dog. When asked about his drinking habits he assured us that he would spend his entire wage over the bar so when told that accommodation would be free he said he was on his way. Well (six months later) Ken arrived a week ago with his dog George. George is not to be reckoned with is all I will say (watch out Frazzle).